In 2020, I had a baby.

Two days later...

(Applause)

Thank you.

Two days later, COVID shut down the world,

and I was as worried and as grocery-wiping as anyone.

But truthfully, quarantine worked out pretty well for maternity leave.

I was tethered to a very hungry little boy.

Shockingly hungry. He ate all the time.

Now, I already had one full time job: seeing patients as a psychiatrist.

In that world, I would be hurriedly switching back and forth

between medication, therapy, strategy, empathy, phone calls, admin, supervision.

In my COVID mom life,

I was a human milk farm bound to the couch.

(Laughter)

So how did I pass my time? Thank you so much for asking.

I watched Love Island.

(Laughter)

Each season more salacious than the last.

(Laughter)

And for those of you who aren’t familiar with this UK dating show,

it’s trash.

(Laughter)

But it will eat up hours of your life

because there is backbiting and twists and turns and British slang.

And it’s highly recommended.

(Laughter)

I was obsessed.

But then something weird happened.

My Hulu stopped working, which is actually not even true.

The account that I’d been mooching off of reset their password

so I couldn’t get in.

(Laughter)

Okay.

And I probably could have gotten my own, but that would have required focus.

Focus and energy.

So here I was,

six to eight hours of a day of nursing or pumping

with no Love Island.