our conception of love is messed up.

by Panzer
This video is sponsored by Wren.
Is love in art? Then it requires knowledge, and effort. Or is love a pleasant sensation, which to
experience is a matter of chance... something one falls into if one is lucky? This little book is
based on the former premise, while undoubtedly the majority of people today believe in the latter.
not that people think that love is not important. They are starved for it. They watch endless numbers
of films and happy and unhappy love stories. They listen to hundreds of trashy songs about love. Yet
hardly anyone thinks that there's anything that needs to be learned about love. Scrolling through
posts about romantic relationships nowadays, I kind of hate it. Not because I'm a cynic or I find PDA
to be cringy. In fact, I love, love. I think it should be central to the way we live our lives. But there
are several beliefs about romantic relationships that i see commonly floating around on the
internet that bug me. There's the "if you wanted to he would" group, the "never settle" advocates,
the constant talk about "red flags" and "standards" and letting random strangers on TikTok make you
question your healthy relationship. "You don't find that suspicious... you don't find that suspicious??"
As a preface, I'll probably talk more so about things I see and hear from straight
women since that's what I identify as. But the fundamental concepts that I talk about for love do
apply to all romantic relationships, regardless of gender or sexuality. Before I get to specific
content I see online, let's talk about two broader questions. Is love passive or active? In other words,
is love a state that exists independently and is waiting for us to fall into, or does it require
our participation and effort to bring about? Two, is our conception of love grounded in anything real,
or are we comparing our relationships to hyper real love? Now we can't love if we're all dead
from climate change, right? Smooth segway into a sponsorship... I know... Well i'm here to briefly talk
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Check out the link in the description box for more info. The first 100 people who sign up using
my link will have 10 extra trees planted in their name! Thank you again, Wren for sponsoring this video.
Okay, so first, is love passive or active? Based on the quote I recited at the beginning of the video,
you can probably guess that I believe love is active. I want to be clear, a lot of the things
that I will be saying in this section of the video can be found in Eric Fromm's the Art of Loving.
It was written in 1956, so obviously some of the things are outdated but I still feel as though a
lot of it is applicable to present day. See Fromm notices that most people view love through a
passive lens. Love is somehow out there waiting for us to stumble upon. You hear phrases such
as "true love comes to those who wait" "do not chase love. It will just find you when the time is right"
and so people focus on making themselves as lovable as possible rather than loving.
Fromm likens dating to modern capitalism, modern capitalism works on the premise of mutually beneficial
exchange. I buy your product and you get my money. To participate in the dating world is to place