[mechanical whirring] [upbeat intro music]

- Good evening, America.

We interrupt your feed with breaking news.

A famine of beauty has swept the western hemisphere

in what some are describing as a highly contagious,

widespread fashion delusion.

Side effects include bad lighting, flat hair,

low standards, and cheugy fits.

Live on the scene, our red carpet correspondent,

Serena Carpen-Terra has more.

Serena. - Thanks, Katrina!

As you can see, I'm reporting live

from tonight's big premiere,

standing in a literal whirlwind of basic.

I've even seen ankle socks worn with Crocs.

[mischievous music]

- That is very disturbing, Serena.

But at least you look incredible.

- Oh, stop it! - I'm serious.

- You look incredible! No, you look incredible.

I'm serious. - Okay, you're right.

But enough about me. Back to today's news.

Coming up, we have updates on government surveillance,

bank fraud, monsoons, typhoons, pantaloons, great tunes,

and of course, the latest battle of the pop stars.

But first, the weather. [upbeat music]

[bright tinkling]

I noticed you're holding an umbrella.

Is it raining?

- Let me check.

[tense music]

Nope. Moving on.

A midwinter drought is sweeping the south,

and everyone's thirsty.

Luckily, I know just the trick.

When things get unseasonably hot,

I like to get unreasonably hot.

[PVC rustling]

Ta da!