The voice that says: not good enough

Let’s continue in a series of characters in our heads. This week, I would like you to meet the inner judge. The mine is a little, strict person in glasses, tapping a pen, saying: Hmm .. not perfect! every time I make a mistake, every time my sentence is not spot on, my essay does not get a full score. This little guy is sitting there, tapping his pen, laughing at my face, being happy something does not work out flawlessly. His half-moon glasses and pointy nose really irritate me. Sometimes I imagine him sitting at a teacher’s desk with piles of papers in front of him, always ready to circle my mistakes in red. He’s never tired, never kind, and always on duty.

Do you know this guy, too?

So, feelings aside, this guy is actually protecting you. He does not want you to embarrass yourself so he exaggeratesmistakes you make. It’s almost like he believes that if he keeps you cautious, you’ll never risk looking silly in public. This often goes back to your school years, exams, tests, or strict teachers. I don’t know about you, but my school and the system I went through was based on perfection. If you made a mistake, all of my classmates knew. The schooling system rewarded flawless performance but punished imperfection, and that leaves a mark. ****The inner judge is simply carrying this system into adulthood, long after we’ve left the classroom. There you go, developing this guy in your head, telling you to push more so that situation never repeats itself. Of course, some people are more prone to this.

So even though he’s protecting you, now it’s more of an obstacle. Instead of being helpful, he often blocks fluency because you hesitate, over think, or stay completely silent. He creates pressure - you focus on avoiding mistakes instead of communicating. I don’t have to explain why this is bad, and why he stands between you and your dream English. It makes it feel like a test. Language is not a test, it’s a tool.

Let’s say you want to overcome this. The good news is that you do not have to silence this guy, you can give him a new job, reframe him. Make him a notetaker. Tell him to take notes while you speak without interrupting you, and then go through the notes with him. Do not let him run the show, he needs to stay in the background.

How to do this practically

I do have a few tips:

🐲 in a conversation, allow yourself some free time where mistakes don‘t matter,

🐲 write down what the judge repeats most often - those become your top 3 training areas,

🐲 use the ‘parking lot’ method: if your judge interrupts you, quickly ‘park’ his comment on paper and move on, coming back only when you’re finished speaking,

🐲 practise speaking with a partner who knows about your inner judge and agrees to focus only on ideas, not on mistakes. This makes the judge less powerful.

Bare in mind that the judge is there as a reminder of what to practise later, not in the moment.

Everyone has an inner judge, you’re not in this alone. Believe or not, even native speakers. The difference is that they often laugh at their judge or simply don’t take him too seriously. You can learn to do the same. Be kind to yourself, English is not a courtroom, it’s a playground. You should make as many mistakes as possible, redo as many weirdlycoming out sentences as necessary. It’s the time to experiment, learning is a journey. Think of your inner judge as a nightlight — useful in the dark, but not meant to guide your every step.

What about your inner judge? Is he strict? Funny? Hop on AI and let me see him - because it’s easier to talk to him once he has a face.